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Episode #29: Self-Care is NOT What You Think with Irene Mckenna

By May 12, 2020 May 18th, 2020 Love, Loyalty, Personal Growth

Episode #29: Self-Care is NOT What You Think with Irene Mckenna

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What You’ll Discover in this Episode:

  • How to shift the dynamic in your marriage so you don’t take on your husband’s emotions.
  • Why changing your own patterns and behavior will also help transform your spouse.
  • All about the “Love and Respect Cycle.”
  • Methods for supporting yourself when your husband does not.
  • Irene’s six pillars of self-care.
  • How to work self-care into your daily routine!

The Micro Version…you know, like the version of the story you wish your seven year old would tell you about the Lego creation they made:

We’ve all heard the buzz word “self-care” that often feels more stressful than relaxing! We don’t want to add yet another task to our to-do lists, so that phrase tends to make us feel bad. Irene, from The Empowered Mom Project will explain how to work self-care into our daily routine that we already have! It’s those 5-minutes here and there that will keep us feeling good, energized, and more engaged in our marriage!

Rather read it while sitting in the carpool line? Read the full transcript below.

Rachel:

Hey Irene, thank you so much for being on How To Like Your Husband today. I’m so glad to have you here and excited to share all your knowledge and expertise with my listeners and community. So thank you so much for being here first of all.

Irene:

Thank you for having me. I’m super excited to jump on and connect with you and your listeners and offer some tips that I hope that they can use, especially right now.

Rachel:

Yeah. At the time of recording this, we’re still all in the midst of a stay home order and all the things that are happening with COVID-19 and that. So we are going to talk some things specific to that. But really as we were talking before, a lot of what you are going to bring to the listeners can be used any time. So I want everybody to hear that. This is stuff that can be used anytime, no matter when you’re listening to this or what your stay home life looks like. That’s important.

And then Irene, I just want… Can you start out by just telling us a little bit about your family, your marriage story, just who the humans that you’re staying home with are and how that looks at your house.

Irene:

Absolutely. My husband and I have been together for… This will be our 13th year. We have two boys who are seven and eight and a half and they’re home with me. My husband is a police officer, which means he’s still at work every day and we have taken the additional step of really self-quarantining just because the likelihood of him catching it is higher. We don’t want to pass it on to any family. So it’s really home. It’s navigating all of that and having a business.

A little bit about our history. I kind of get into what I do when I had… I had two kids 15 months apart. Life was crazy and I was trying to find myself. It’s like every month, it was like I felt like my husband and I, we’re not going to make it to the next month. We’re not going to make it to the next month.

Empowering Moms

So I started first taking care of me, found my way into health coaching, which just kind of has morphed and transitioned over time. I’m a certified parenting coach. I have some relationship background. Now what I do is I’m an empowerment coach for moms, which really means helping moms to show up in our life with a life enhancing reality, not a life draining one filled with the overwhelm, the frustration, the stress, wherever that might be coming in from, from our marriages, from our kids because they all play off each other.

Rachel:

I love it. Okay. Empowering moms. Let’s talk about what empowering moms looks like to you, especially right now. But I think I as a mother feel pretty empowered most of the time based on the life that I lead and the habits that I have. So I’m interested. I know not everybody feels that way. I know there’s a ton of women that have a disconnect around parenting, around motherhood or around being a wife or any of those things as far as how they feel about it and how they think they should feel about it. So I’d love to know what that means to you to empower them.

Thriving in Motherhood

Irene:

Sure. Yeah. Absolutely. So to me, thriving in motherhood, and when I talk about motherhood, it’s really everything. It’s who we are after kids enter the picture. Motherhood is the whole experience. What I think about is to thrive in this, it is about this journey of empowerment, and empowerment to me is it’s a mindset. It’s a mindset that in the middle of reactivity we know to look within. We know that the answers are within, that our relationships are there to teach us, and that the answers are actually inside of us. We’re willing to do the messy work to take responsibility for our emotions and our reactivity, to hold space for our child, for our partner, that they are fully capable and doing the best that they can just as we are doing the best that we can.

 

So when I think about empowerment, we are all at different spaces on this journey. As I say, we’re on the same path, we’re in different vehicles because your story looks completely different than my story. And I’m not here to invite you into my vehicle. I’m here to say let’s get you in a vehicle and start driving down this path and making these small shifts in perspective and how we see things. Because truthfully, the mindset that 99% of us grew up in, is fear-based. I’m at the mercy of my circumstances. I am reactive to whatever is happening around me. So if I don’t want to feel overwhelmed or stressed, I need them to stop. I need my kids to listen. I need my partner to help me. Versus when we start to make these shifts, we start to see that how I show up and the choices that I make create the change.

 

For example, my husband used to come home every day angry, just he would carry this anger and I was always like, “You need to go to therapy. You need to fix this. I can’t deal with this anger.” As I did the work on me, I just started to become unavailable to take on his anger. He could vent it but I wasn’t taking it on. Therefore, I was not reacting to him. We just had a conversation this weekend and I’m like, “You have done a 180 in how you show up with your anger.” He doesn’t bring it in anymore because he feels supported and accepted for where he is.

Rachel:

Yes. We have lived a similar life here where Mike would come in at the end of the day and it was like chaos would rain down, whatever stress was coming from the business or from the way things went with work or customers or whatever. And it would just be like, here, I’m going to dump this on you and it’s like, here’s some kindling for your fire and let’s get it all revved up and really hot and smoky in here. And that was not in a good way.

Shifting the Dynamic

It’s funny because I had that exact same experience when I stopped being available for it. I was available to hear him vent. I could hear him vent, but I did not take it on as being something I needed to fix or my problem or me being the cause of it. I didn’t take any blame for it or whatever, but simply something that he was going through that I could not take on for him. And it completely changes the dynamic of the relationship and it does, it allows them to feel supported.

 

For us, people always say now about Mike like, “Well, my husband would never change like that. My husband would never work on himself like that or whatever.” I’m like, “My husband wouldn’t have either. That’s not the man I was married to either.” But when you no longer facilitate the dysfunction, when you no longer are there to play in that kind of atmosphere, they have to change. They have to change what they’re doing to still be with you and to come alongside you with your growth, I feel like.

Irene:

Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I tell this to my clients all the time. It’s like them working with me, it’s like we’re on the highway of personal development, our hair blowing in the wind driving 70 miles an hour, like woohoo making all these changes. They’re like puttering on the side road picking up our exhaust so they can’t help to pick it up. But the more we simply can accept where they are, it’s like the more momentum they get. The biggest thing I hear is, how do I get my husband to parent more peacefully or to parent more calmly?

Lead by a Positive Example

And the biggest shift I found is when I actually stopped intervening, I stopped wanting him to change. I mean sometimes it’s almost like I was biting my lip to the point of blood when he’s getting angry at the kids and I’m like, “Okay, we’re going to step back. We’re going to step back.” It was really hard but because of the work I had done to myself, I’m just accepting where he’s at. And after, I was then able, because I didn’t react, I didn’t engage his defenses, he was open to learning and he has completely shifted his parenting without trying to get him to read books or do this or do this. He’s just like, “I see that connection works, I want that, too.” And he’s open to it because I stopped trying to make him be different.

Rachel:

Right. Yeah. I think that’s been very powerful in our house as well. It’s like I can read a million books about parenting and then try and implement what I feel like makes sense. You know, I’m home with our kids and so we have a dynamic. And especially during the summer and fall because our business is seasonal, my husband is gone a lot and so he’ll be home for 45 minutes before he goes to bed or whatever. And he’s like, “I feel like a stranger here.” Like, you guys have got such a pattern and such a… like the way it’s all organized and just everybody knows what they’re doing and whatever that if he gets rained out and he’s home or something like that, he’s not sure where he fits because we’re so used to functioning with him not here. Right.?

 

So I used to try and tell him where he fits. “Okay, this is what we do now and this is how this goes.” Now, I’ve just accepted the fact that rain days just look different and kind of let him guide those instead. But at the same time, as he’s guiding those, he sees the relationship that I have with our kids and he wants that, too. So he’s more open to ideas about it or asking me questions about he can’t… You know. At one time, it was like, “I can’t understand why they constantly ask me for a snack and they never ask you for a snack.” I’m like, “Well, it’s because they know I don’t give them like that. We eat three meals a day and we have a snack in the afternoon before dinner. They know that that’s the deal. They also know that every time they ask you for a snack, you say yes. So that’s why they know.” Right?

Irene:

Exactly. My husband gets agitated still when they’re like, “Get me water, get me this.” I’m like, “You’re not holding any boundary with them. Of course, they’re going to say that. They’re kids.” If I knew somebody was going to wait on me, I’d demand it, too. Right? So you need to figure out-

Rachel:

Yeah, yeah. But they sure is not going to talk to me like that.

Love and Respect Cycle

Irene:

Exactly. But you engage with them in this way and they’re fired up, you get fired up, you respond with anger, so then they respond. So then it’s like back and forth. The biggest shift I had was when I read about this love, respect cycle and like for women, our… This is the generic women and men, but that women need unconditional love. When we don’t feel that love, we not consciously, but we act in disrespecting ways like we withhold respect and our husbands need respect is their unconditional. When they feel disrespected, they act unloving.

 

Here’s where parenting comes in is the kids act disrespectful to him. So he acts unloving. My mama bear comes out, I’m protecting them from being unloved, which means I’m acting disrespected to them. They see me being disrespectful. They think that’s how we treat dad. So then they go like that. This was this big cyclone that we were in, and by me stepping out, which is what we’ll jump into in a moment, which was really honoring this self-care routine, which I say self-care are… You know, it’s this buzzword, but self-care is really the things that we do when we do them with intention that gives us access to our state of well-being or a state of contentment, which is that pause button between reacting and responding.

 

So when we can access that inner core of calm, we do this through self-care, but the self-care that we do, like I said, it must be attached to an intention because it can be the smallest things done with intention that matter more than the biggest things done without purpose. I can go get a massage and I’m just kind of, I’m going to get a massage because it’s the thing I’m supposed to do for myself. It really does nothing to energize me. It does nothing to fill my buckets, where I could have a cup of tea and have five minutes of quiet time done with the intention that if this is for me, this five minutes and I’m like, my buckets are filled and I can go back out into my family re-energized.

Rachel:

Yes. Yes. Okay. Let’s talk about this routine because I love how you just described self-care. I feel like a lot of us are struggling with the whole idea of self-care because it is such a buzz word right now. I may even name this episode like “Self-care, It’s Not What You Think.” Because sometimes I see podcast episodes or articles or whatever that are like, five steps to self-care you have to be completing or whatever and I’m just, “Nobody’s got time for this. I don’t have time for this.”

 

To me, my self-care is more about reading a good book or just going out alone and listening to some music, like driving in my car and listening to my audio book. It doesn’t have to look like the buzz right now, which is the exercise in the water and the sleep and it’s like, okay, well those are all great things. Those are all great things but they may not be what you need. So I want to hear. I want to hear from you the routine.

Routine for How to Support Yourself

Irene:

Absolutely. I created a six-part framework, which really you take yourself through this framework and this is where you create your unique system that will support you. It’s not about following what somebody else does, but figuring out what for you. So step one is connecting to the feeling, the vision of how you want to show up no matter how far away it seems right now.

 

I know I want to show up with calm. I want to show up connected to my kids, my husband. So I want to envision what that feels like. I want to call that feeling in now so that I can… By connecting to that feeling when I go to step two, which is meeting my needs, and I’ll talk more about that in a moment, I’m doing things that are going to create that feeling. But without knowing where my GPS is headed, I’m just throwing things in.

Rachel:

Okay.

1. Fill Our Buckets

Irene:

So meeting our needs I teach in two parts. The first is filling our buckets. It’s what do we need on a regular basis. This could be daily, weekly, monthly to feel energized, to feel rested, to feel connected. This is connected to self, connected to others, connected to something greater, whatever your beliefs might be. So this is where I’m just doing a brain dump, right? I’m just throwing things in.

Irene:

So maybe it is exercise and water that makes me feel energized. Maybe it’s a sleep routine or getting enough hours of sleep. Maybe it’s watching a show with my husband where we laugh because I could sit on the couch and we can do that but it’s not any self-care, but if I’m like, no, the intention is we’re going to sit together, we’re going to engage together, it becomes a self-care because we all are connected human beings, we need to connect. And when it’s done with intention, so I have before bed, I have 15 minutes where I cuddle with my kids, we talk about our day, and it’s done with this intention that it’s like this sacred space for them.

Rachel:

Okay. I love what you just said because I think that we are all sold this bill of goods as women that self-care is just about us and about us doing things alone and taking time to be alone. Frankly, I’m an extrovert. I don’t necessarily want to be alone. Like very rarely do I want to be alone. Right?

Irene:

Yeah.

Find Your Own “Self-Care”

Rachel:

So self-care for me, yes, like sitting down and playing a game with Mike and getting to laugh and do that with him. That fills me up. That gets me motivated. It makes me feel good. It makes me feel like I’ve accomplished something that day. I feel like it checks all the boxes for self-care, just like doing my read aloud with my kids and reading to them from a chapter book while we’re snuggling. Right?

Irene:

Yeah. It can shift how we see it. Now all of a sudden it’s like, “Oh wait, I’ve got all of these things that I can see as self-care that can actually fill my bucket” versus “I have all these things and now I have to fit self-care in?” I mean for me, I have headphones and when I’m cooking dinner or folding laundry, I have this mindset reset playlist on. So I’m even giving myself self-care and raising the vibe of yes, I’m folding laundry, but it’s like this quiet time that I just get to listen to music, and so that becomes an element of self-care.

 

So we get to then pull from all of these places where we normally wouldn’t do it. So it’s not adding to our day like, “Well, I have no time.” It’s like, “No, I get to take my day and now have all these points of self-care in it.”

Rachel:

Okay ladies, make sure that you just heard that. Self-care didn’t mean to be a thing you add to your list, which makes it feel hard and it doesn’t have to be alone. It can just be the things that you do with intention throughout the day that make you feel good about what you’re doing as a wife and as a mother and as a woman and a human and all of the things. I freaking love that. Okay, keep going. I’m excited.

2. Plugging Leaks

Irene:

The second part of step two is plugging our leaks. We can be putting as much into our buckets as we can fill and yet, we have all the shoulds, all the expectations, all of the self-talk that takes us down the notches, all of who we should be. You know, it’s where we strive for perfection by setting the bar so high that we can never achieve it. That is going to drain us faster that we can put things in our buckets.

Irene:

So it’s noticing these leaks that we have in our day, noticing that I’m sitting down with this family meal with my family that could be a moment of self-care. Yet I’m like, “Oh, here I am. I gave my kids chicken nuggets again tonight. I’m not a good mom.” So it takes the whole benefit away from the experience and we do this to ourselves all day long.

Rachel:

All day long. Yep, I’m with you.

3. Make Lists

Irene:

So then step three is taking this brain dump of everything you put in there to fill your buckets and making lists. You want to make a list of 10 things. You want two to three of them to be things you can do on the fly. So if I’m having a day and I just need something, maybe it’s like, okay, I’m going to put my headphones on and listen to music while I’m in it or maybe I’m going to go disappear in my closet for five minutes for deep breathing. So it’s some things that I want on there.

Irene:

If I have exercises, one of the things that keeps me energized, what is that look like? I make a list of, like I said, 10 things and these aren’t 10 things set in stone. This is where we play. We put 10 things on there and then we connect with them. Is this bringing me closer to that feeling that I identified in step one? If not, we go back to our brain dump and we pull something else and we try something else. So we play with this list, but we don’t want to overwhelm ourselves by trying to do all of the things. So we make this list.

Rachel:

All day long. Yep, I’m with you.

4. Noticing Default Patterns

Irene:

Now, step four is looking at this list, noticing in the past where we’ve gotten tripped up. So it’s noticing our default patterns. We have two ways of handling the overwhelm and the stress. We have coping mechanisms and we have coping strategies. Coping mechanisms are the habits we fall into when we just don’t want to feel. I want to numb out. I pull out the social media. I put on the TV show with no intention. I’m not doing anything necessarily with my time. I just don’t want to feel anything. Where coping strategies are the things that reenergize us and fill our bucket. So maybe having a dance party. This is the self-care things. I’m not saying we get rid of, I mean sometimes we need to just numb out. Sometimes we just need to have that space to be like, I’m going to take this, but how do we not have it take over? So it could be I set a timer and I’m like, “Okay, I’m just going to go numb out on social media for 15 minutes and then I’m going to put some music on and go on with my day.”

 

Step four is just noticing what you tend to fall into because if we can be proactive that you know what, at the end of the day, I don’t want to deal. I just want to not think about it. It’s like, okay, I hear you, but what can we shift to have that be a supportive time? Maybe it’s going to bed earlier for a bit. Maybe it’s having a show with your partner with intention. So it’s noticing where we tend to fall into these coping mechanisms and proactively seeing if we can make it a more powerful experience to actually fill our buckets versus just drain them even more.

Rachel:

Yes. Okay. I love it. I love it.

5. Make Agreements with Ourselves

Irene:

And then step five is we make agreements with ourselves. So we look at our list and if my list is exercise, I’m going to exercise. What is the agreement we’re creating with ourself? This is where we want to be very realistic. If I know that I can commit to two days a week, I’m going to make an agreement with myself that two days a week, I’m going to whatever the case may be, 30 minutes, 15 minutes, whatever I feel like I can do. If I want to have 30 minutes of alone time, I am talking with my partner to say, “Hey, I need 30 minutes of alone time. Where can we fit it in the day?”

 

This is one of the things I did during this quarantine is by the time my husband gets home from work at 3:30, I’m done, and if I try to push through the rest of the day, it’s ugly. So I said to him, “I need about 30 minutes. Maybe I’ll take a walk or I’ll read a book. I need a little time.” By creating this agreement with him versus this expectation that he would come home and now he’s just going to support me because I’ve been with the kids all day, and be filled with-

Rachel:

Yeah. He’s going to know exactly what you need.

Irene:

Exactly. And I’m filled with the resentment and the disappointment. Now when he comes home and he’s getting in, I’m like, “Okay, you’ve got this, right?” Because we already have this agreement in place, he’s not going to be like, “What do you mean I got this?” We’ve created this schedule. So when we create agreements with the things on our list, this is where we establish how we’re going to follow through. We create the plan for what that looks like. Again, it’s where we take expectation out and we insert like, this is what I’m going to do. If I say I’m going to go to bed by 9:30 every night, what am I putting in place to ensure that that happens? And these are our agreements.

Rachel:

Okay.

6. Declare, Commit and Be Grateful

Irene:

And then step six is we declare it, we commit it. So if this is putting it on the schedule, if this is having a friend that you can be like, “Okay, we’re self-care buddies,” it might just be setting them like a thumbs up emoji at the end of the day that I did two or three things that day because that’s the goal, we want to pick off our list of 10, we want to try to do two or three things a day. That’s it.

 

We have this list that we go, it’s not we’re going through and doing all 10 things. It’s like, no, I want to do a few things each day. So we declare, we commit and then we focus on gratitude. Because as we all know, gratitude can take us out of I didn’t do enough, I’m not doing enough, and it shifts that energy. So we just offer ourselves what we can do in the shifts that we can make and offer gratitude for what we’re able to accomplish each day.

Rachel:

Now, the thing I would love to add to that, ladies, I want to make sure you hear that she did not say to have your partner, your husband be your accountability buddy. She said to get an accountability buddy. I think a lot of times it’s like we’ll go through stuff like this and we’ll want to talk to our husbands about it. We’re close with them. We have this great relationship, whatever we want them to be that for us.

 

That can be a really hard area to navigate if they are not a hundred percent on the same page as you because as men, they want to fix things for us. And so when we’re saying, hey, we want to be held accountable for this and this and this to make sure we get our three things in every day or whatever it is that we’re declaring, they’re not quite hearing you. What they’re hearing is, I think these things are broken in me or in my life, and now they take responsibility for fixing those.

 

That can be a really tricky situation to navigate with a husband, I feel like. I’ve talked about this on the podcast before, especially when I talked about whether your husband should be your best friend or what he is to you is that sometimes there’s just roles that your girlfriends or friends that they fill better for you and are perfect for. There’s a reason that we have other people in our life beyond just our husbands. Right?

 

So what can you feel for them and what do they feel for you? And this might be the perfect place to look for that. You know, I don’t want Mike checking in with me every day to see if I did my workout. That’s what my girl Jamie is for. You know? She checks on that for me and it never hurts my feelings when she does it. Right? There’s no way to take that poorly.

Irene:

Because that’s what you just said. Because we are in this relationship with our husbands and it is in our face all day, it is so easy if we’re in that lower energetic place for them to ask an innocent question and we take it completely wrong. “Hey, did you do your workout today?” “Well, no, I didn’t do my workout today. Did you see how the kids are behaving?” Right? It turns into this big-

Rachel:

Right. Have you seen this house?

Irene:

Right. Exactly. It turns into this big thing where when somebody’s outside of that, they can come in and say, “Hey, did you do your workout?” “Ah, you know what? I haven’t. I’m going to go figure it out in the next hour. Thanks for the reminder.” Versus it’s kind of like a knock like, “Hey, I see the house is a mess. The kids are a disaster and you haven’t worked out.” It separates that. So yes, I love that you brought that up.

Rachel:

I think that’s important. I think that when we try and use our husbands as accountability, sometimes it can often blow up in our face or they don’t do it the way that we really want it done. It’s not because they don’t want to help us. It is literally because they don’t know how to navigate something that… It’s kind of a female thing, like these accountability partners. That’s what we all use girlfriends for and so they aren’t always quite sure what that looks like even from their perspective. That’s just my opinion but… And of course, it doesn’t apply to every man on earth or every woman on earth.

Irene:

Absolutely.

Rachel:

But I think there’s a good majority there. Okay. So we’ve got the steps or the framework, I’m sorry. How do you focus within that or how do you… No, that’s not what I want to ask you. I want to ask you how you feel like that framework helps you improve your marriage.

How Self Care Helps Improve Your Marriage

Irene:

It’s two things. One, I think self-care is also acts of self-love and we can only show up in our relationships as good as we show up in the relationship with ourselves. Communication is a neutral vessel through which our feelings flow, and when we are not taking care of ourselves, when we are not honoring our needs, two things happen. The expectation is that others are going to fill them for me. I’m not supporting myself, so I need you to step in and support me.

 

Two, I’m going to spend much more of my time in this low vibe energy state and I’m going to struggle to bring myself back up, which means all of my communication, the undertone of that is from this lower vibe place. I love the quote too, by Sri Sri Ravi Shankar, “We communicate more with our presence than our words ever do.”

 

If I am in this negative place inside, no matter how I am trying to plaster on the outside, the energy comes through and that’s wherever I am. So how do we show up in our marriage? How do we like our husband better? By liking ourselves first and creating that energy inside that allows us to accept our husband for whatever mood he’s in, because I cannot, as we talked about in the beginning, I cannot be unavailable for his anger if I’m also in anger. I cannot be unavailable for whatever his mood he’s bringing home in if my foundation is so rocky that I bring it in.

 

I like to think of our self-care or well-being is this personal force field around us. When our force field is strong, other people’s moods and feelings and stress and overwhelm, it just bounces off and we’re kind of in the middle maintaining this core of calm. It’s not that we’re never going to be rocked, but it’s that we can separate ourselves from that reactivity. When our force field is weak, everybody else’s stuff comes in. All of a sudden, our circumstances are what we need to fix in order to restore that calm.

 

We cannot see clearly because when we are reactive, our thinking brain is offline. So I only see solutions that benefit me. I am not in a collaborative space, which means working with a partner becomes very hard and I am in that emotional brain. I am here to defend myself and you are the enemy. That is what our primitive programming is telling us.

Rachel:

Yeah. You’re a hundred percent correct. I have nothing… Like that is a mic drop. There you go. Our primitive brain is in control and that pretty much sums that up. Yeah. Okay. I love it.

 

Irene, can you… I can’t believe we’re out of time. I have 10 more questions for you. So hopefully you will do this with me again soon. Can you tell everybody where they can find you and learn all the things from you and be in community with you?

Irene:

Absolutely. So what I’d love to do is invite your listeners to join my free Facebook community. It is Thrive in Motherhood. I know the link will be in the show notes to be able to join that. When you join, you also get access to a few free gifts, some downloads just around mindset shifts and perspective changes for our relationships as well as what I’m actually dropping into the group this week is a breakdown of this self-care framework that I shared today.

 

So there’s a whole download where you can have the steps and kind of work through them in there. And I’m in there every day so questions that come up or finding an accountability partner if you need one to share where you’re at, just really… You know, what I believe on this journey of empowerment that I mentioned in the beginning is we have these four pillars that we master on this journey. Or I shouldn’t say we master it, that we go on this journey towards mastery and that’s mastering our well-being.

 

That’s right there, self-care. Mastering our mind, understanding how our thoughts work, mastering our feelings and taking responsibility for those and mastering our communication. And as we learn to do this, we show up completely different. And the more inspired we are, the more inspiring we become to others, we open communication and relationships with our husbands, with our children in a way that we aren’t able to before.

Benefits of Being in a Community

Rachel:

I love it. I will be heading over to join that community when we’re done here. One thing I just absolutely love about good, strong Facebook communities is just how nice it is to be within one and be able to hear other women just say like, “Me too. I’ve dealt with that, too. This has worked for me. This did not work for me.” But just that me too mentality that we can hear from other women where we don’t feel so alone, and yes, finding your accountability partners. That might be the perfect place to do it.

Irene:

Yeah, that might be it. Absolutely. What I feel like is what I like the space to be is we are all calling each other forward. So we’re cheering each other on, we’re calling each other forward. What it is not is a complaining vent space. I’m not here to just vent and complain because that just keeps me stuck.

 

What I’m here to do is say, “This is what’s going on. I want to shift out of it” and sometimes it’s just offering these little perspective shifts and helping people, helping us as moms, as wives to celebrate our wins no matter how small they are. That’s a big part of the group is because we often just focus on what we don’t have and instead of what we do. That’s kind of what the group is all about.

Rachel:

Yeah, I think I always say that too in How to Like Your Husband group is like, this is not the place for a bitch session. This is the place for looking for a way to grow, and sometimes that means you have to tell some of the story. You have to vent some of the story, but you have to do it. Like you said, you have to have the intention of growth from that or else that’s just a negative space I don’t care to go to with you or with anybody. Right?

Irene:

Exactly.

Rachel:

Irene, thank you so much for being here today. I really appreciate it. I know everybody is going to get tons of value out of this. For my listeners, my friends, please remember that you are incredible and you deserve incredible things, so go out and make that happen today, please. Have a great week.

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