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Episode #26: How to De-Escalate Your Husband (or Anybody!) with Charli Brown

By April 21, 2020 Loyalty

Episode #26: How to De-Escalate Your Husband (or Anybody!) with Charli Brown

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What You’ll Discover in this Episode:

  • What is de-escalation and how you can use it with anyone!
  • How to validate someone’s experience so you can use de-escalation more effectively.
  • Why using “non-threatening” body language can increase the effectiveness of de-escalation.
  • How to identify your go-to word that is NOT helping!
  • Tips for maintaining a safe environment for effective communication.

The Micro Version…you know, like the version of the story you wish your seven year old would tell you about the Lego creation they made:

Have you ever been in a situation where you really wish you wouldn’t have jumped to your old habits, that ultimately led things to escalate? On today’s episode, I am chatting with Charli Brown who is the queen of de-escalation. We can not only use these techniques with our husband’s to facilitate better communication, but we can also use the tips when talking to our kids, family members, and strangers.

Rather read it while sitting in the carpool line? Read the full transcript below.

Rachel:

Hey, everyone. Thanks so much for being here for another week of How to Like Your Husband podcast. I have got such a treat for you today. I mean, not like a treat, like super yummy, delicious, but like, “Oh my gosh, you’re about to learn so much that is going to impact every area of your life.”

Seriously. I have a specialist on today, Charli Brown is her name and she has been described as fun and a little bossy. She refers to herself after retiring as a nurse, as a “knowledge broker” with her focus heavy on education. And during her graduate work she focused on, get this, de-escalation training for health professionals and found that the tools she was learning dramatically helped her with her husband, who has a traumatic brain injury and PTSD. She’s a mentor to women and personal coaches, helping them to use the skills of de-escalation in their home and practice, and she’s the co-host of The For Real Life podcast where she continues to serve women to live their real life out loud. You can also find her working on her passion project, The Rooted Cafe, and she’s a wife and mom and Yahya and personal development junkie and also a woman after my own heart who loves a plate of Indian food. Delicious.

Ladies, I can’t get over how much you’re about to learn here about de-escalation and so many tips and tricks and strategies, that you are going to be able to use with all of the humans in your life. So get ready. Here she comes.

Hi Charli. Thank you so much for being here today on How to Like Your Husband podcast. I’m really excited to have you.

Charli:

Thank you so much. I am actually so privileged, but I’m just thrilled to be able to share this whole topic. It’s my passion.

Rachel:

Yea, I’m really excited. Before we dig into it, I want you to just tell us a little bit about you and your family marriage story, to give my listeners a little background and then we’re going to dig into something exciting.

Charli:

Cool. So my husband, I have been together now we’re going on a, we say we’re going on 20 years only because when we first met about a week later, everyone said that we seem like we’d been married forever and we, so we would say, “Oh yeah, we’re going on 10 years,” and had been like two weeks and now we say we hit after we passed 10 years. Now we say we’re going on 20. So we, my husband is a retired Army Ranger and of course that I was so in love with the big bad, he was so hot and sexy and tough and Uber male and you know, guy that took control and pulled your hair, you know. And I’m like, yes. And then you find out that the flip side of that coin is that, you know, there’s probably PTSD and for him there’s also a traumatic brain injury.

And there was some stuff that there’d be anger that would be, not directed at me and that no physical abuse I want to be clear about throughout this, but the but it was he’s just really angry and there was stuff sometimes he didn’t know how to handle vulnerability. So he went to a go-to emotion of anger. And so our process, we’ve gone through, you know, went through a pretty severe separation. And in that process, I learned how to be a better wife to him. And so I’m the one who changed and because I changed, he is a different man and we’re, our marriage is amazing now and we, we’ve gone through physical issues, we’ve gone through, you know, mental issues, physical issues, and now we can survive anything because we’ve truly realized that I had to change for my marriage to get better. It wasn’t about him changing.

What is De-escalation?

Rachel:

I love that. And that’s pretty much the mission and story behind, you know, everything that I do here as well. So I’m so glad to hear you say the same thing. So I want you to talk about de-escalation, which is our big topic for today and just what that looks like for you. And then we’re going to get into some tips and tricks that you can offer, as well. Maybe also tell us why you’re an expert in this. Like why women should listen to what you have to say.

Charli (04:35):

I actually got stumbled onto this by accident. It’s interesting because we’re working on a master’s thesis. I was, I’m an oncology nurse and I didn’t expect that I would be having to do a master’s project at a traumatic brain injury facility. And in that process they had me develop some curriculum for them on teaching their staff about de-escalation. And it was life-changing. It was life-altering, changing, like access spinning, changing to me because in the process, I used tell everyone I have a new three new initials behind my name, but the more important initials I have now are the two, the three initials before my name that are stronger and in bold now because of going through that process. So I built a de-escalation training for these, these professionals physical professionals in the traumatic brain injury department, and it was, became my thesis and now it’s going to move on to become a doctorate work for me.

Rachel (05:33):

That’s amazing. Okay. So talk to us, talk to us about de-escalation. I mean, we, we’ve all I’m sure been in situations with our husbands where we could, or even if it’s not your husband with your kids, with your boss, with whoever, you know, Starbucks, whatever. We could use these, these tips and tricks and, and yeah, tell us.

Charli (05:55):

Well, I think that I love the most what I’ve heard you in all your podcasts and the things, it’s really about owning your shit. I mean, it’s really about standing in your own truth and as you’re standing there and then you have a minute to make a decision and, and one of the things that has you, you, I’m going to talk to you guys about some trends, transformational vocabulary, because that’s one of the things that’s really important. And then, later on, I’ll give you guys a resource I made up a little thing just for your podcast that gives you guys 10 special tips as a wife on how to de-escalate. But with de-escalation, if you’re in an escalated environment, and again, I’m, I’ve created this for people with extremes, you know, with traumatic brain injuries or, or PTSD, and maybe you know, your listeners, maybe that’s what you’re standing in right now.

Or maybe you’re just in a space place where your husband comes home frustrated he’s displacing his anger or displacing things on the family as he walks in the door. I kind of want to speak to that, you know, but again, use all these tools and what happens is we’re going to talk about, you know, you decrease the extent, the volume, the scope of any situation that you could walk into. I’m prefacing all of that by saying call 911. It’s not okay for you to be hurt. It’s not okay to be bullied. It’s not okay for you to be in an environment, but it is okay for you to be able to step in and take control of your emotions and it’s how you respond instead of react to a situation. Is that, is that, are we good? Yeah, definitely this. 

Validating the Experience

So we’re moving on to talk about some do’s. So one of the first things that you do is you do validate that family member or that person. That’s the number one thing. If you think about it for yourself, when you are just pissed off or when you’re just, you’re losing your shit over something, you just want to be validated. I mean, I mean that’s not a really super professional way to put that. So I’m glad I can be free here. But you in that conversation, the conversation will just escalate out of control. How many times have you been in a conversation with your spouse? He comes in pissed off and then you beat him with, you’re pissed off. How did that work for you? It’s like an explosion.

It’s that like it’s like two bombs hitting. It’s like the missile comes and then the counter missile hits and then nothing happens. Nothing good comes. It’s like nothing good comes from that. No, no, so it’s starting out by validating and, and using statements that say something like, “I understand that this is frustrating for you. I’m sorry you’re having a hard time with this. I know this is really hard for you.” I know now when I use with my husband all the time, “you must feel really disrespected because of this.” 

Rachel:

Yeah, and it’s respect is so huge for men. We talk about that on the podcast all the time. Is that giant respect is is the way that they feel loved so yes, to validate that they might feel disrespected. I would think that that is a huge step towards bringing the situation down a little bit.

Charli:

It is magical unicorn secret sauce. I’m telling you right now. If try it in your next, in the nest situation, even with any situation in customer service, in your job, if you stop and say, “wow, especially if it’s a male, you can say I, I bet that made you not feel very dis. You must felt disrespected or you not felt very respected.” If it’s a female you’re speaking to, you know, I don’t know what, who your listeners are. Maybe you have your, your significant other is female, then you are, it’s, “you must not feel very loved. You must feel unloved. When I speak to you like that,” or in this situation, you must not, you know again, your children or your or anybody in your family, if it’s a female, you’re going to talk about how they don’t feel loved. If it’s a male, you’re going to talk about how they don’t feel respected and all you’re doing in the de-escalation process when you start there is you’re saying what you’re having to, you’re important to me right now. Nowhere did I say, you’re right. Nowhere am I saying that you’re not hurting me. What you’re saying is wrong. No, where am I doing that? All I’m saying is, you matter. And that’s the number one place to start.

Rachel:

I feel like that’s so important too because we can, we all as women we get hung up and being right or feeling attacked in these situations. And a lot of times it can be such, just it’s more of a loss of control for the other person and there, this is the emotion that they have gone to because it’s the easiest one for them to find. And yeah. Okay. I love it.

Charli:

We can go into details like a lot of stuff with this on me to be careful that I’d go down a rabbit trail but, and you could edit it all out, but I have my husband, one of the things we find is that if I, I’m if I’m not, if I’m not validating him, what happens is he then has, he has, I would say if it’s like he has the wounded three-year-old little boy or four-year-old boy, then the big strong man has to come and protect. Right? And so he comes and he gets stands in front of that, the nice guy. And I have the mean guy shows up, you know, and my husband doesn’t have multiple person. He’s that dissociative disorder, anything. He’s not like multiple personalities, however, we all have that. Don’t you have the person who shows that?

Become Non-Threatening

Charli:

Because it’s much easier and it’s less vulnerable when you’re angry. Especially for men. They’re less vulnerable if they can take control with anger. So that’s the other thing. The next thing you want to make sure that your dues is that is making sure that you maintain a non-threatening physical stance. Make sure that you’re, you’re positioning that you’re not hands on your hip ladies, you know, and bobbing your head and you know, rolling your eyes. Oh God. That’s a hard one for me. I’m like, don’t roll. Don’t roll. Don’t roll. Smile. Smile. You can’t, it’s hard to roll when you’re smiling. So have a smiling contest with yourself and you’re like, okay.

Rachel:

I love that. I can picture myself doing that because I rolling is like a big trigger for Mike and it’s disrespectful. It is and it is something like, and I’m just like, but I don’t have control of my eyes. Like I can’t help up my eyes do. 

Charli:

Now say smiling contest, smiling contest prompt. You can’t try it. Everyone right now. Stop and have a smile and contest with your smile and try to roll your eyes. You can’t really can’t. You really can’t. Yeah. 

Rachel:

So Charlie and I can see each other in the video here. I’m sorry that you guys can’t see this, but I know that everyone listening is now smiling. The people in the car next to you are probably a little concerned. Yeah. 

Charli:

The other part of physical, your physicality is getting at the same level with them. You don’t want to be overpowering standing over them. And sometimes even if you’re sitting, maybe you should stand up so that they feel like you’re in an equal position or say, “Hey hon, why don’t you sit down with me? I feel you must feel disrespected.” You know? Go there, “have a seat, I want to hear you. What’s going on?” Get him at the level that you’re at.

So you’re both speaking at the same level. 

Rachel:

That’s really, that’s always something I’ve done with my kids is like when I need to communicate with them is to come down to their level. It’s a little more complicated now because both my boys are taller than me, so I’m like standing on my toes now.

Charli:

You’ve got to get him to sit down, sit down, everybody’s set. I’m usually a quiet and firm voice. This isn’t a, this is not weakness, ladies being de-escalating a situation takes a strong badass woman. So it’s not for the faint of heart. If you’re fighting for your marriage, if you’re fighting for a relationship, a friendship or anything, it is a strong woman. It is not weakness. So whatever that lie you’ve sold, so when sold, you get rid of it. Cause that’s not true. This is, this takes a lot of strength.

Maintaining Your Volume

So you’re quiet. You want to maintain a good volume because the volume if you start getting high, you know, cause all of a sudden anybody’s yelling at you, you are going to yell back. You can’t do that. You have to take control of your emotions and you have to, the other thing is removing any non-essential people. So children if you’re anywhere where you’re at, and this is again, if you’re at work, if you’re so far removed, remove the people that are not essential and controlling your emotions. I’m going to say it over and over. This is, we’re going to talk a little bit about some transformed transformational vocabulary cause it’s really hard to control your emotions cause we’re women, okay, right? But matching their anger is not going to deescalate the situation, right? So you have to be self-regulating and it is a skill.

I want to encourage you. It is a skill that has to be cultivated and it will eventually become a habit for you.

Finding Your Habitual Words

Rachel, do you have a word, a go-to word that when you’re, when you’re mad, you’re pissed that comes out of your mouth? Like the first word.

Rachel:

I say seriously. 

Charli:

Like mine is really, really. Okay. So what’s a word that you could use instead?So when you say the word seriously, your mind and now looks for ways to back that up. It’s already taken. You know the minute you say seriously, your face changes, your posture changes, you’re going down this and you’re navigating a path that is very comfortable for you. It may not be positive, right? It’s comfortable, right? Yeah. So what, what’s another word you could stay and say it instead of seriously.

Rachel:

Oh, just about anything but positive. I hear you like, like that kind of thing.

Charli:

I was also giving another example is I use, fascinating. And and to me it still means I’m going to shank you, but it’s not really cause what I say really we’re game on right now. If I go, “Oh, fascinating.” My face doesn’t look the same and now fascinating is different because my words, it’s new. I’m changing like some habitual words, right? It’s empowering to me. So when I say fascinating, what happens is I’m going down a different trail. Now I’m in control. “Fascinating. Tell me more about that?” Cause that sounds district like you felt disrespected. Fascinating. Now I know when I go down fascinating trail, it looks completely different than I really trail cause really or seriously, that’s a whole nother trail that nobody wants to go down that with me. Does that make sense?

Rachel:

Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. So, and it’s that habit that that was the thing that I had to do when I wanted to change the fact that I’m a yeller. I am definitely a yeller. Anybody who’s been here a while knows that, and I was raised by yellers. And so to me that way it was almost a love language. The fact that my husband doesn’t yell was maddening to me when we would have an argument and he wouldn’t yell back, I would just be like, “can you even love me? Like, can you even care if you’re not yelling at me?” So when I finally like realized the “why” I was doing that and how much I don’t like it and how much I don’t want my kids to feel the way that I felt from it, I had to train myself not to yell. And I had to use a lot of these same types of tactics and like mind games to get different words in there to remind myself to do something other than raise my voice. 

Charli:

Well, it’s like the smiling and not rolling your eyes. That’ll become a new habit. It’s, and it’s becomes a game and it’s, she says, use the word mind game. It really, it just becomes, it doesn’t mean you’re not taking that person, your husband or someone seriously. Right. You’re not taking him seriously because you’re smiling, but you’re like, is smiling doesn’t work. Maybe you move your mouth, let’s do something different that you don’t, some trigger for you to remember not to roll it. Maybe you have to pinch your thumb or something so you don’t roll your eyes.

Rachel:

Yeah. A trick I use it, the chiropractor when, yes. When I need it, when they’re trying to adjust me and I’m really tense cause I don’t, I’m not a big fan of it. Just the lack of control. So I wiggle my toes. While they’re doing it. And I think, I think if I was even having that and I concentrated like I’m trying not to roll my eyes when somebody is saying something and I even just focused on wiggling my toes, they wouldn’t know I was doing that. And they’re not looking at you like you’re being a smart ass. Cause you’re smiling. Right. Just like smile at Mike. He would be like, what the heck is happening right now? Right.

Charli:

You’re like…Okay, what’s going on? Okay, so I’m going to do a few don’ts and then I wanted to give you another trick, but so don’t argue. It just doesn’t work guys. I’m sorry. Just arguing doesn’t work. And I know you want to feel heard and I know it’s not fair. I want to validate you right now and say, “I know girl, I got you.” I know it’s not fair. It’s, it’s bad thing sometimes because you want to be heard even though there, but you will be just not right now. Right? So remind yourself, you’re going to be heard. Just this isn’t the moment because I promise you, you will have a moment. It could be like after sexy time later and be like, “hun, when this happened, this is how that made me feel.” And he will hear every single word you have to say, eat it up because you have respected him and you have gone through this process.

It’s way better than having to talk louder and yell over him. He’s not going to hear you. Right. So controlling your emotions. Yeah. So not arguing and self-regulation is the biggest, biggest, biggest, biggest, biggest part of successful de-escalation, is self-regulation. 

Rachel: 

That feels so obvious, but it’s so freaking hard. So freaking hard. 

Charli:

Yeah. Yeah. They can’t feel validated. If you’re arguing and they don’t, it doesn’t move you towards a resolution. And that’s your goal. Your goal is to find a resolution not to be, right. If you, if you’re in love with someone, it’s not, do you want to be right or do you want to be happy? You’re like, what? Where’s your choice, right? I’m going to get dr Phil on you. And that also the threatening body language. You know, we talk about eye-rolling. Don’t, don’t do that. Don’t put your hands on your hips, don’t stomping, throwing, whatever your thing is, you gotta work it out.

Cause it’s just, it’s not going to be positive for you. It can include, jumping up and standing over them. You know we talked about changing your body positioning and, and most importantly, it’s facial expressions. Bottom line is we want them to feel validated. So whatever is his love language, how, you know, what makes him feel validated, that’s what I want you to really focus on and, and get that going. Motivational interviewing is the best way to help somebody feel validated. And I want to help kind of give you a little exercise in that if you don’t mind. Okay? So the goal of motivational interviewing is to guide you to, you know, the person to the person who’s escalated your spouse to their own solution to the problem that’s reasonable. Okay? Not right or wrong in your mind, but you’re just trying to guide them to a reasonable solution to whatever their issue is.

So if they come in and they’re pissed off because the guy at the garage didn’t do something right to the car and now he’s grabbing the gun and he’s going to go in and, oh, that’s just at my house and I’m just getting, so I don’t know. Like even Army Ranger wife. Yes. I mean my husband can get pretty intense. Okay. If you have a super intense spouse like back in happen like you’re like, that’s not a good choice, but this is really great with your children. Like they’re so mad they’re going to do this and they’re going to do all the things. Okay. So I’m going to just of take you through this motivational interviewing cause it actually, what happens is it gives the control back to the other person. 

Exercises for De-escalation

I have a problem. However, right here with you. We have to give them their control back because when they are mad and they’re in that, that space, they’ve lost control. Absolutely. Yeah. So we got to give them their control back. So you can have a decent conversation after that. Right. So, so here’s an example. If you have a spouse, maybe they come in, they get all upset, they’re, they’re just mad because their appointment got changed for the doctor. Okay? They’re still mad now they’re going to quit. They’re never going back to that chiropractor again because they always change the appointments. And you know, when you always start using the always word, always, always. We always, he always does this. Or maybe it’s you, you always don’t do this and you didn’t put the, I forget it. I’m going to burn all my clothes now.

If you can’t wash them, I’m going to burn them. Okay? Yeah. You go to extremes when you’re crazy. So they’re out of control. So what you can come back to whatever the scenario is in your home and be like, “I can totally imagine how frustrating this must be for you. There have been so many changes in the house lately because I’ve been doing this work. You know, I’ve been by little side hustle plus I’m trying to take, I took on the new PTA president, all that. You must not feel respected. You must feel like everything is more important than you right now. That must be what’s happening. So I hear what you’re saying, that you actually want to burn all your clothes and your, you’re going to be naked. You’re going to be a nudist because I can’t get your laundry done. Okay.”

Motivational Interviewing

So that is an option. That’s an option. Can you, can you tell me some other op, what’s another option that, can you think of another option that might work better than that?” And I don’t know if that makes sense. You’re using statements like “that’s one option. Can you think of another one that may work,” and then you allow them to navigate their own resolution. So what happens is it gets their mind off being so angry and onto a solution mindset and it’s probably gonna take a few attempts. Cause the first one they’re going to be like, no, I’m want to be a nudist or no, I’m never going to that chiropractor. Can I quit? “Okay, well that’s an option. What are some, what’s? You are so smart, I really need your help. Thinking of another option.” I mean, just keep building them up, helping them bring it, come to a solution.

And again, this is really great for kids and your dad. And they again get so focused on solving this cause men like to solve problems. They’re so focused on solving like what’s another solution? Give me a funny solution. Like just give me something funny. What’s another solution now? You’re not the, sometimes we like to bully our husbands. I was say I’m not my husband’s dream bully. Sometimes he’ll come up with some crazy stuff he wants. Like he was going to spend the summer in Alaska alone, out in the middle of nowhere because he watches those shows all the time. And I’ll, I’ll just say it’s not a good idea, but I would didn’t tell him that. I’m like, “wow, that would be exciting. I can’t wait to hear how your plans for that. Wow. Okay. So I’m not going to be a dream bully. I’m just like, okay. So instead I got him a puppy. Now he has to stay home, so he has to take care of the puppy. He can’t go.

But when you are, when you are doing this motivational interviewing, your motive, you’re, you’re like an interview. Well that’s interest. That’s fascinating. Instead of going, “seriously, are you an idiot?” Like you, you go. Don’t go down. Seriously. You do not go down. Seriously roll. Take a left, right. Fascinating. Do not take the right seriously. I like it. Very left roadmap. Take the layer clear. Take a left at fascinating or come up with your own word and be like, “Oh, that is now. That is fascinating. That sounds like that could work. I’m just curious, what else do you think could work? Give me another one.” Even if it’s funny, come up with another one and you watch them deescalate. They’re already de-escalated because you’ve, you’ve validated them and told them that you respected. You’ve, you’ve kind of said that must make you feel like this. It could be crazy, but you’re not telling them they’re crazy.

You’re saying, “wow, you must feel frustrated right now. Yes, I am. I bet. Because you feel like everything is more important to you. Yeah. Yeah.” I mean, you watch, they just start coming down and then you said, “Hey, sit down because you’re important to me. I want to hear what you have to say.” And it is a game, girls. It is a game. It isn’t manipulation, but it’s your own mind game. Like you have to get yourself into control because then what happens is you’re going to hear your husband’s heart. 

Get in the Helping Zone

Rachel:

Yeah. You have to get in the zone. It’s not even that you’re not playing a game with him. You’re playing a game with your own thoughts to get in the zone to be able to help him in that way. I don’t. Yeah, it’s definitely, I don’t look at that as control at all. I think it’s just helping him get to where he really ultimately wants to be. I mean, he’ll be that pissed off either, so…

Charli:

And you know what happens? You’ll find that if you’re doing that, he’ll start doing it. Cause you’re modeling something for him. You’ll watch him start doing the same thing. This is no different than wiggling your toes so that you don’t roll your eyes. It’s just a tool that you can use to help bring happiness to your marriage. So just a lot. I’m gonna, I will get, I have some, I have 10 really great tips that will help with that, which I will make sure that I bring to you guys. But you know, there are some just spending the time on changing your mindset and taking a minute. And if you don’t know what your go to word is, just ask your family cause they’ll tell you.

Rachel:

Oh yeah, I mean as soon as you asked me that question, I knew what it was. And the reason I knew when it was is because my eight year old uses it and I’m always like, girl, well my older kids are like, “see, see what you did. You’ve created a monster.” I’m like, okay, here we go. Right. Here we go. 

Charli:

Now there’s ladies are out there and I know if you do have a husband like for mine for example, who he, you know, because he has maybe he has PTSD, he’s come back from the military and there’s some stuff that’s really has really been difficult. I mean, I recommend private message me, girl. I would happy to chat with you and to share any tips personally that I have because it is a little different. Again, I want to emphasize your safety is the most important thing.

And if you’re in a volatile situation where you’re being bullied or you’re being demeaned or there’s character assassination happening, that’s a whole nother situation. We’re not talking about that here. We’re talking about, you know, helping your husband perhaps sanity and bringing peace to your husband. There’s a there’s a, in Hebrew there’s a thing that’s called the Ish and the Isha. The man is the ish and the woman is the Isha the differences. There’s an H, it’s a hae, which is a, I’ll get crazy, I’ll get geek out on you. But there’s a, it’s a Hey at the end of the word and what the hay represents. And Hebrew is opening the tent flaps and allowing the revelation and fresh, fresh revelation into the tent. That’s our job. Yeah. It’s our job to open up the doors and allow fresh revelation and a route, clear the cobwebs out and allow the new new things to happen in our lives. And I know that’s what you really, that’s us. That’s our job. And that’s something to be proud of. That’s not a weakness.

Rachel:

No, absolutely not. Okay. This, this has been super helpful and I know that this is going to be a hot topic in our Facebook group. So I’m really hopeful that I know women are going to send in questions about this. We have some women in there. I can think of two off the top of my head that have husbands with traumatic brain injuries. I know we have quite a few military wives in there that I’m sure struggle with some of those same things. So I know this is going to be a hot topic and maybe we should have you back on for like some Q and A at a later date.

Minimize the Environment

Charli:

Absolutely. Absolutely. I do have one special tip for them. I will leave them. So I know this is one only. It’s a quick, easy tip. I want you to your environment needs to be a minimize. So pictures off the wall, just a few pictures, noise. You need to make sure that they’re not overstimulated because that’s reducing the stimulation in your home. A lot of times we want to have 400 things on the walls and all kinds of things going. That’s not if your husband is, is has a TBI or he has PTSD you want to remove as minimalize, you want to get minimal because it will really help a lot minimalizing the environment.

Rachel:

Okay. That’s so good to know. I find that my, my kids aren’t allowed screen time during the week and they are such nicer humans during the week. Like when they don’t have like all these sounds going on around them. And like constant barrage of, of the weekend. Yeah. So I could see how that would help somebody in those situations too. For sure. So tell me, tell our audience where everybody can find you and learn all the things from you if they want more information. 

Charli:

Well I’m excited cause I’m actually just redoing my website. It’s actually customerservicerx.com because I do work primarily with health professionals teaching them de-escalation and how to give good customer service to their patients. But I’m really, I’m have, I have special training on there for wives and wives of spouses with PTSD and traumatic brain injury.

That’s being revamped. However you can find me @iamcharlibrown on Instagram or Charli Brown and it’s just Charli with an i. Yeah. On Facebook. And Charlie’s going to send over these 10 tips for us and I’ll have those available for download in the show notes so that you guys can get access to that and learn so much more. Definitely send your questions. You can message her directly or send them to me. And I’ll make sure to get them over to her. I’m so excited. Thank Charlie. I cannot thank you enough. I feel like I have so many more things I want to ask you, but I’m going to respect everyone’s time and we’re just gonna set up another day. Yeah. Thank you for being here today. 

Charli:

Thanks. It was a, it was a blast. Thanks for having me.

Rachel:

Charli is amazing, right? I learned so much in talking to her that I feel like I can use with my kids, with my husband, with family members out in public, just in any situation. And I know you did, too. So I’m so excited about this episode and excited to hear what you guys think over in the Facebook group. Please remember that you are incredible and you deserve incredible things. So let’s make that happen. Have an amazing week.

What Are Your Thoughts?

I would love to hear your thoughts on this. You can comment on an Instagram post over at Mrs. Rachel Ballard on Instagram or we are going to chat about this in our private Facebook group, How to Like Your Husband with Rachel Ballard. You can also leave a review for this podcast, which is super helpful and be sure to subscribe so that you can get a notice each week when another episode goes live. In the meantime, my friends, please remember that you are so incredible and you deserve incredible things. So let’s get those on the calendar and make them happen. Have a great week.

Can’t get enough? I’m linking her info below so you can keep listening and following along with this amazing woman’s journey!

Where to Find Charli Brown:

Podcast

Instagram – @iamcharlibrown

Facebook

Passion Project

10 Tips to De-escalate Your Way to a Happier Life

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Fingers and toes crossed that you love this first episode as much as I loved creating it! It would make me smile ear to ear if you want to subscribe, leave a review, or join our supportive Facebook community! We can’t wait to see you there!

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