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Episode #30: Declutter Your Space AND Your Marriage with Krista Lockwood

By May 19, 2020 Love, Loyalty

Episode #30: Declutter Your Space AND Your Marriage with Krista Lockwood

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What You’ll Discover in this Episode:

    • Why simplifying you calendar can help you destress your marriage.
    • How shifting your view towards your “things” will help give you new perspective.
    • Simplifying your home can simplify your marriage.
    • Why trust is the biggest help when you transition your lifestyle. 
    • The importance of not listening to outside opinions when it comes to your marriage.

The Micro Version…you know, like the version of the story you wish your seven year old would tell you about the Lego creation they made:

Does having clutter in your house also cause clutter in your mind? That’s a big yes from me! Today, we’re chatting with Krista from Motherhood Simplified, and we’re discussing all things clutter when it comes to our marriages! Sometimes, when you simplify your home and schedule, it will directly translate to how much time you spend with your family and your spouse! Either way, when you clear out your space, it will help clear your mind!

Rather Read It While Sitting in the Carpool Line

Rachel (00:31):

Hi, friends. Welcome to another episode of the How to Like Your Husband podcast. I am so excited that you are here with us today. You are going to love this episode. Today, Krista from Motherhood Simplified is going to be on the podcast. Krista helps moms declutter so they have more time and energy for the people inside their homes, not the stuff. And we’re going to talk about lots of things on how your stuff can affect your marriage and your relationships with your kids and all of that. So I know you’re going to love it. Please join me in welcoming Krista to the podcast. 

Hey Krista, thank you so much for being here with us today on the How to Like Your Husband podcast. I’m super excited to have you as our guest, so thank you for being here.

Krista (01:16):

Yeah, thank you. I love this podcast. First of all, the title hooked me and I was like, yes, I need to know her.

Rachel (01:24):

Well good. Well, I wanna just start out with you telling us a little bit about your family and your marriage story and give us kind of the overall picture so that as we dig into some of the questions, we have an idea of what your dynamic looks like there.

Krista (01:40):

Yeah. So we’ve been together for about 11 or 12 years. I can’t remember exactly. We got married, we kind of did things backwards. We started dating, bought a house together, had kids, and then we got married. And so, yeah. So now we have five kids total. We are both serial entrepreneurs. I love our relationships to be honest. It’s definitely not always been easy or simple, but I love it and we’re super happy together and it works really well.

Rachel (02:18):

Okay. So this was not on my list of questions, but since you just said it wasn’t always simple and your podcast is Motherhood Simplified. I just have to ask, how do you feel like there’s ways that you simplify your relationship as well?

Krista (02:33):

Yeah, so I think part of it probably with any relationship is that you start off and you don’t really know what you’re doing, right? You get to know your spouse and then you really get to know them. And that was kind of the story of the first like four or five years that we were together before we decided to get married. And it was complicated I think for a lot of reasons. First we were young. Second we had three kids, like right from the start, we weren’t established in careers, we just didn’t know a lot of things. And it was a lot of moving parts. It was like a lot of these outside circumstances outside of our relationship that made it complicated. And what we realized at the end of the day is that him and I were really simple. We like each other and we like our family. And we want to build a life together. And so once we kind of simplified all of the things around us we were able to make our relationship a lot simpler too.

Simplify the Calendar

Rachel (03:32):

You know what, I’m so glad that you said that. I’m just, I’m thinking through that for us and what that looked like for us. And I think one of the most important things that we did when we, when I specifically was like super focused on changing our relationship and wanting it to be better. I think one of the most important things I did was simplify our calendar and like cut things back and just really focus on the fact that I liked hanging out with my kids. I like playing games at home. I wanted to like hang out with Mike again and if I just took said no to a lot more things and took a lot more things off the schedule and off the plate. And even as far as in the house, like took down my level of expectation for having you know, dinner with all the checks, all the boxes checked every single night. And you know, sometimes just being okay with pancakes for dinner or whatever it was. Simplifying in a lot of areas so that we could focus on us and our family. It makes all the difference in the world when you can.

Krista (04:33):

Yeah, it really does. When we, you know, like I said, you can see it on the podcast, you can’t see what, I’ve got a baby on my back and we have two kids under two again. And I can kind of look back and understand why it was so hard for us. Like we had three small kids like of course it was crazy and we had a new ish relationship and we were pulled in so many different directions, both things that we didn’t really have control over. Right. Like you can’t just get rid of your kids. Absolutely. But there was a whole lot of other things that we were engaging in that was like, no wonder it was so hard for us. And now with the two under two, again, it’s kind of nice. I kind of feel like we get redemption like we get to do over almost like, sorry, big kids.

 

Rachel (05:22):

But we have practice children also. So it’s okay. That’s what our boys call themselves, practice children. They like to remind us of all the ways that we are much better parents to our youngest two daughters. So yeah, it happens. Yeah. Okay. So you guys tell, tell my audience who may not be familiar with you a little bit about your story as far as having to simplify life and what that looked like for you guys.

Life Shift

Krista (05:56):

So we, in 2012, we, it was really rocky for us and then ultimately we had like a a life crisis and all of the ways and we ultimately decided like, we want to stop playing house with each other, let’s get married and do this for real. So we got married and over the next like few months, my husband was kind of like, okay, like we know we want to do this together, we want to build our family, we want to do what’s best for them. And at the time we were living in Alaska and he’s always been an entrepreneur and was kinda like, there’s really not a whole lot for me to do up here. Like I’m maxed out. I don’t see a great future for what I want for us as a family here. What would you think if we moved somewhere and just started over and I totally dominated in a big city and so I thought he was joking like I thought he had just like, huh, I’m bored.  Like I’ll just do this. And then like 10 days later had an interview in Florida, accepted it on the spot and then came home and he told me on the phone when he was in Florida, like, oh, I’ll have like six weeks until I have to be there. He got home and was like, I have to be there in like 10 days. So. 

Yeah, he left the only place that him and I had ever called home. I was born and raised there. He was basically born raised there and we had like five weeks basically to get rid of all of our stuff and move our family of five to Florida and we were broke at the time. We didn’t have a whole lot of money so we didn’t have money to bring our stuff with us. They didn’t pay for our moving expenses.  So we left all of our stuff behind like sold everything, donated, trashed it all including the little preschool business that I had at the time and only brought one suitcase per person started completely over on the other side of the continent. 

 

Rachel:

Wow. Okay. There’s a lot to unpack there. Well no, there’s really not because you didn’t bring anything with you, but there’s a lot to…

 

Krista: 

Well, it’s funny that you say that though because when we got there, like it had only been like maybe a week or two and I just had like this complete breakdown honestly of like all of my emotional baggage. And it was the craziest thing because like overnight I went from completely overwhelmed with three kids and never ending work and housework and chores and laundry and dishes and toys everywhere to not having that at all. And we would get to the end of our days and have nothing to do but like hang out with each other and get to know each other.  And it was super freaking scary.

Simplify Your Home

Rachel:

It was scary with yourself and your husband. Yeah. Oh my gosh. I can only imagine. So your mission now is to help women simplify their homes, to help moms simplify their homes, right? So can you tell me a little bit about your mission? Tell everybody what you’re doing and then we can talk about that from a marriage perspective too. 

 

Krista:

Yeah. So basically at the time I didn’t understand what was happening. I thought it was because I went from like the coldest, darkest place in the world to like living on the beach. I thought that’s why life was good. But I realized actually after I had my toddler a couple of years ago that it wasn’t because I was living in this tropical oasis. I was, because my house wasn’t overwhelming. I had all of this time and energy to do things that I wanted to do, to hang out with my family on the weekends without feeling like, you know, I had to catch up on chores on the weekends or being grumpy with my family because air quote, like nobody ever helps me.

Right? All I ever did was do their laundry, make them food, clean up their snacks, clean up their messes. And I learned after I had my toddler and being in a due date group with some of my other friends, that I wasn’t overwhelmed by these things anymore. And they were. And so I opened up a little Facebook group for us to, for me to teach them how to get rid of this excess in their homes so that they can start getting relief in their days and have more time to spend with their babies and their kids. And now it’s grown to like, and their spouses and themselves. And all of these things. So that’s kinda my mission now is to give that to other moms and show them like motherhood isn’t synonymous with cleaning up all the time and being overwhelmed by your house. 

 

Rachel:

Yeah. So, okay. So what is a due date group? That’s intriguing to me. 

 

Krista:

A due date group. I didn’t know it was a thing cause that wasn’t I think with my first kids. But it’s just a group, a Facebook group of moms who are due like the same month or time as you. 

 

Rachel:

Oh, okay. Okay.  So I had to think it was somebody that would remind me to return my library books cause I could really use that in my life. 

Rachel:

So is your husband as a simple about things and as organized as you are? 

 

Krista: 

Yeah. Now, yeah, he is. I don’t think in Alaska either of us really were one type or another. We just were kind of like most people where we just accumulate things and have more kids and get more toys and more clothes and never really get rid of anything. But when we left Alaska and you know, he went before me, he was like, I was the one left behind to get rid of everything. So I had to do all the heavy lifting and I had to be the one to like look and see how much stuff we actually had and was like seeing all of the money wasted and all, all the things and was the one when we get to Florida, I’m not going to have this stuff and we’re, you know, we’re not going to have it just in case or what if we need it or, oh my gosh, like I might as well take a handful of cash and just burn it all.

Cause that’s what it feels like getting rid of all of this stuff. And he was already in Florida and every night basically would just talk me off the ledge and be like, when we get here, you’re, you’re not even gonna care. Cause he had, we rented a house that was furnished, so we had everything that we needed. But he was basically like, when when you get here, we have beds, we have clothes, we have dishes, we have food, we have a house, like we’re good. So he and I actually like when we were going through that process, considered like staying in Alaska. Like I could stay here and try and sell more stuff or you know, maybe he’ll come back. But I was really emotionally tied to all of our stuff and it took like, I didn’t really have a choice. I was backed up against a wall basically.

But those feelings that most people have of like just in case, what if, you know, you know, my, this was a gift from whoever it was a gift from all of those things I had to work through really quickly. And my husband, it was really easy for him I think because he was just excited in Florida. But now we’re pretty much on the same page. I think he actually likes more things than I do. Like, cause we have, we’re having our two babies again and he’s all excited to buy them all of the gadgets and all of the things. And I’m kind of like, why we don’t need it. So we’re not always on the same page, but I think we do bring a good balance to each other.

 

Rachel (13:35):

That’s awesome. So what do you feel like in this? I mean this is like the scariest idea on earth to me because like you, I have lived in the same place my entire life. Two of my closest friends in the world I have been going to school with since elementary school, you know, like so sometimes the idea of like picking up and moving my husband and I are both entrepreneurs also. So we’ve looked at opportunities in other cities in that, especially as our boys hit college and we’re like intrigued by the idea that okay, right here is a good breaking point. That if we wanted to relocate we could. But the idea of just picking up moving and only having each other to depend on 100% is kind of terrifying to me. I like my husband. I trust him. I, but I just think, oh, how many times does he have to work late and I need to call somebody in my village to pick somebody up from dance or from gymnastics or something or you know, whatever. That it’s just nerve wracking. So in the process of this move, how do you feel like it’s changed the trust in your relationship?

Trust in Your Relationship

Krista (14:54):

I love that. That’s actually one of the reasons that I was so excited to get a chance to be on your show is because I don’t ever talk about it much with my audience. But exactly what you said about like I’m kind of afraid to move somewhere and have to rely on him completely, I think is one of the biggest benefits that we had. So like you said, like we grew up, we had my, his parents lived in the house right next door to him. Just an example of things that happened, but that when he was in Florida, I stayed back in Alaska. We were driving home one day on the highway and I our tire blew off and I called my father in law and was like, can you come help us? Right. And it was that easy. When we got to Florida, the same thing happened, but I didn’t know anybody and I had to call my husband in the middle of the day and be like, can you come help me?

 

So it was, I think it was really good for me, because I am, I don’t know if you know anything about the Enneagram, but I’m a two on the Enneagram. So asking for help is really hard for me. Asking for help from him is extra hard for me. But kind of like I said, like I didn’t have a choice anymore. Like I had to come home at the end of the day and I had, I didn’t have any excuses. Like, I couldn’t say, oh, I’m going to go help my friend, or I’m going to go hang out with this person, or I’m going to go take the kids here, or I’m too tired because the housework is overwhelming. Like we didn’t have anything to do other than the way I tell people is like basically I felt like I was just stripped completely naked and exposed and like I can’t hide behind anything now. Like, yeah, it really was, but it was the best thing I think that could have happened for our relationship. Especially at the time that it happened when we had just decided like, okay, like we have a house together, we have a kids together, we’re building a life together. Like we might as well go do this, just us. And it was really, really good for us.

 

Rachel (16:54):

I love that. I kind kinda think you know, there’s a lot of times when I’ll do calls with women about one on one coaching and stuff like that, and some of the issues tend to revolve around like in-laws and family and other people’s opinions. And I want to say like, hey, can you just move? Could the two of you just like pick up and go somewhere else? Cause I bet you’d be fine if you just could get everybody else out of your relationship and just focus in on yourself. So would you guys, would you say that you’re in a better place now than you were when you left Alaska?

 

Krista (17:31):

Yes. Yeah. And it’s funny that you bring that up too because we, we’ve had, you know, a good relationship with our in-laws, but when they live next door to you and your sister in laws, they’re, you know, 10 or 15 minutes away from you, you can’t help but kind of get intertwined with each other in each other’s business. And that was another thing that was both really good and really scary for us was to get out on our own and kind of figure out like our own values. And you know, what we actually wanted to do without having, you know, like, like my, my inlaws next door who’d be like, why are you guys doing this? You know, maybe you shouldn’t, maybe you shouldn’t go play soccer together every week or maybe you shouldn’t, you know, or maybe you should have a babysitter more or maybe you should have a babysitter less or maybe you should work more, maybe you should work less.

Outside Opinions

Krista (18:25):

And all of a sudden, I mean, we still have maintained a good relationship with them, but being, having distance I think just helped him and I get a lot of clarity around what we actually wanted for our family, like our inside of our own walls. 

 

Rachel:

I think that is amazing and it’s clarity that more people need. We let so many outside opinions come into the relationship that should be the most important and it can be super confusing. So now in that process, I’m sure you made mistakes as well. So what would you feel like is the biggest mistake that you made in your marriage that, that you’ve been able to learn from that maybe we could learn from? 

 

Krista:

So I think it was all pretty impulsive to be honest. So, I mean, we kind of jumped without thinking too much about it, especially, you know, in regards to like our family, right?

Like we wanted to get out on our own. We wanted to have our own space, but when we did it so fast and so far it did kind of put a wedge in between like us and, and our outside family, not only for us but like between like our kids, cousins, right? Like we have a lot of cousins for our family and having, having them know their cousins and, and those kinds of things is important to us and it’s not something that we really considered fully when we decided to go so far, so fast. We kind of shocked everybody around us. So I, I know that’s not really about our marriage, but it is with our family and we’ve moved a lot of times in between then, right? So we went like Florida to Idaho, California. Now we’re in the Midwest. And I think the biggest thing that we learned as like we need to, we really do need to consider we do need to consider in some capacity people outside of our family and how it affects our kids cause they’re getting older.  We now we have a 10 year old and a 14 year old. So now we’re at a place where we’re like, they need one place. Yeah. You can’t just keep going and going and going. 

 

Rachel:

Yeah. It might be fun for you guys, but maybe it’s time to settle for a period or something. Yeah, I could see, I could see that we’ve always used our kids as an excuse of why we don’t move. And now we’re in this place where we, we could, if we wanted, like for this, I feel like limited window before we hit another round of middle school and all that stuff. But yeah, I don’t think I’m going anywhere. 

 

Krista:

 

I think there’s a good in between, right? Like if you want some space and some distance, you don’t have to move across the continent. Right. You can just put up boundaries.

 

Rachel (21:11):

Yeah, that would be a good idea to I do teach the guides please. Just boundaries is fine. You don’t know cross country move. With no, like, I mean that makes it really hard to have a fallback plan. Right? Like you move that far away. It’s not like you’re one state over and can drive home if you need it. You’re, you’re really, Oh yeah. 

 

Krista:

And I mean like when we had our baby that we were like, we don’t know anybody who can come help us with the other kids when we have this baby like send and then you have to like coordinate flying family members in and yeah. Things like that. So it’s just makes it stressful on the family unit and your relationship as a whole. 

 

Rachel:

Absolutely. And I have a few friends who’ve had to have you know, moms fly in or family fly in for a birth of new babies and that, and I just always think how much I would not want to come home from having had a new baby and also have someone staying in my house at the same time.

Creating a Great Relationship

Rachel (22:11):

I don’t want to do all right. Yeah, it’s great. I sent my own mom home. I was like, I’m good now. Okay, good. Yeah. Cool. Please go back to work. We’re, we’re all good here, so. All right. So I’ve got one more question for you about this and then I want to move on to some other things, but what do you feel like you’ve learned in, in your years of marriage and relationship and all the things that you’re really hoping to pass on to your kids about creating a great relationship? 

 

Krista:

Just find somebody who you genuinely like, which is why I love your podcast. I mean, I think it’s easy to say things. And I know this sounds weird, but I think it’s easy to say things like, oh my gosh, I love him so much. Or I’m so in love with him, but can you say like, I really like it when he comes home, right?  Like I just got like this bumps cause I’m like, I do, I love it when he comes home. I love it when we get our weekends together and it’s something that my husband does on purpose and maybe I could be better about it too, but he’ll tell my kids things like, your mom is so funny. Your mom is so cute. Like those little things that I hope that when they grow up and find their own relationships, they look for those little things. Like, do I actually like this person? 

 

Rachel:

Yeah. And not just the infatuation or the less you might feel or even the love, but yeah. Do you want to hang out with them? Yeah. More than anybody else. Yeah. 

 

Krista:

Can you move across the continent and only know them and be fine? Fine.

 

Rachel:

But yeah, when you think about it like that can change everything.

 

And I think for my listeners that are in a marriage already, so they don’t, they’re, they’re there, there’s no choice to be made at that point is also like thinking about what you did if you moved cross country and only had your husband as your support and backer and your have to be totally vulnerable in this situation. Like, are you treating him in a way that, you know, makes him want to give that back to you and creating some vulnerability within yourself to let him help you through that and stuff too. And I think that can be hard for all of us as we get hung up and momming and wifing and business and all the things. So so tell us about purge-athon because I’m here for it and I want to know all the things. 

 

Krista:

Yes. Okay. So The Purgeathon the challenge that I made for moms, right? Because decluttering, when we look around at our houses were like, Oh my gosh, like what is this stuff? Where did it come from?

 

Rachel (24:49):

Yeah. It’s generally like a toys from kids meals. Yeah. I’m like what in the world or random things my mother has brought over. 

Declutter Your Space

Krista:

Yes, yes. Yeah. When your mother in law lives next door to you, you can imagine. I can’t, I don’t know. So the purge-athon is, is three days of decluttering projects that you can actually do as a mom. I give you three options per day and they’re designed to be these really small things that make a big impact. Like you said, like everyone’s got like these random little piles of McDonald’s toys or a sock bucket that drives them crazy or just these little things. So they’re little projects to help you get started and to start feeling that relief and maybe feeling like it’s not so daunting, right. When you don’t know where to start. There are just really simple ways to start and build momentum and then eventually keep going.

 

Krista (25:44):

And I say it’s kind of like, like if you give a mouse a cookie, you know, like it goes on like this big long adventure. If you get a mom a decluttering project, she can actually do, she might declutter her entire house. 

 

Rachel:

Yes. My biggest struggle with decluttering is always that I’ll like start in one place. And then I go to put something from that place away and when I go there I’m like, oh, and I’m like, squirrel, there’s a whole new thing that needs to happen here. And then I’ll like dig into that and then I go to something else and like my husband gets home and like looks around and is just like, holy, what just happened here? Yeah, there’s been an explosion or, or if everything’s put away by the time he gets back, like I’m confident he’s never said it out loud. Thank goodness. But I’m confident that he thinks to himself like, what did she do all day? Yeah. It looks like she was in motion. 

 

Krista:

But that’s funny. It is. It’s like you are in motion, but you’re like, what happens? What happened?

 

Rachel (26:44):

All right. So I’m Krista as we wrap up, I just would love it if you could tell everybody where they can find you and learn all the things from you and hang out with you.

 

Krista (26:53):

Yeah. So the most active place to hang out and get like active hands on support and getting started would be the Facebook group, which is Motherhood Simplified parentheses, the group. And then of course my website has links to, has links to the group, to the podcast to decluttering challenges and projects that you can do and all the good things there, which is motherhoodsimplified.com.

 

Rachel (27:17):

All right. And I will have all that in the show notes as well, so everybody will be able to find you and learn all the things. So thank you so much for talking to us today. I really appreciate it. I know people are going to get a ton of value out of it, so thanks for being here.

 

Krista (27:30):

Yeah. Thank you so much.

 

Rachel (27:35):

You guys, was that not such a great conversation? I feel like there’s so many things that we can all learn from Krista. And it really changes the way that I look at every single thing that I allow into my home and just within my space and my bedroom and all of that. So I hope you got as much out of that as I did. My friends, please remember that you are incredible and you deserve incredible things. So let’s make that happen. Get your relationship back to uncluttered and in love. Cause that’s the goal of my friends. Ladies, I just hope so much that you can join me. I’m over in our Facebook group and talk about all the things that we can dig into this. I’ve got some ideas for how to chat it up about this this week. I’ll see you over there.

Can’t get enough? I’m linking her info below so you can keep listening and following along with this amazing woman’s journey!

Where to Find Krista Lockwood:

Facebook Group  

Instagram

The Purgeathon! (It’s 3 days of decluttering projects you can do as a mom)

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